Monday, November 14, 2011

So a Greek Philosopher and a Butt Rocker walk into a bar


According to the Aztec calendar, yesterday was the day of the Vulture (cozcacuauhtli), and is supposed to be a good day for dealing with and confronting disruptions, failures, and setbacks. The vulture is something of a buffoon in Mesoamerican folk culture, but as an eater of carrion, he also is seen as a sort of cosmic mistake-corrector.


Sammy Hagar is also someone I think of as a buffoon (kind of like a corny, pumped-up Roger Daltrey), and as it transpires, I have a story to tell about him. I had a dream recently that I was watching a documentary about Saturday Night Live in its mid-to-late 80s incarnation. Jon Lovitz was seriously on his game at this moment, and in a strange way, simultaneously manifesting the Frank Black aesthetic at another location in the culturescape. Even though Lovitz is more swarthy and less grungy. I stand by the metaphor. 


Anyway, it was a good doc, and let me tell you, I was really enjoying it. I'm rarely happier than I am when I'm watching a good movie, and this one was excellent. It had a lot of program footage (of course), but also a lot of incidental backstage footage, off-the-cuff interviews, and unreleased sketches.


But by far the most interesting part (and I know I watched the whole 90 minute doc in the dream, but forgot most of it within a few minutes of waking up) was the bit where Pythagoras of Samos inexplicably came back from the dead in 1989 and hosted an episode of SNL. 



This was a major media event and people were pretty psyched about it. I mean, everybody knew "this guy is an important pre-Socratic philosopher, and he also invented the Pythagorean Theorum, right triangle, hypotenuse, bam. Everybody knows that shit's no joke. So, respect." Obviously, he's been dead for like 2500 years, so it's a major media event for him to be back, mixing it up in New York City no less. And Lorne Michaels is no fool; of course he invites the one and only Pythagoras to host an episode of SNL. How could he not?


So I'm watching the footage that was shot by a documentary cameraman following Pythagoras, who has understandably become something of a media darling, as he makes his way on foot toward the SNL headquarters at 30 Rockefeller Center. The Ionian philosopher and mathematician has adopted modern clothing and sports close-cropped white hair, a sport-coat over a white t-shirt, dress pants, and a pair of black Wayfarers, which have become his trademark. On his way to the forum, so to speak, a man accosts him in the crowd: "Pythagoras, Pythagoras, hey man I need to talk to you!" It's Sammy Hagar.


"Yes my son?" asks Pythagoras, removing his shades, his brow furrowed with concern.  Hagar, visibly troubled, introduces himself briefly, and begins. By this point I no longer felt myself to be watching a documentary. It seemed like I was standing on the street, watching the interaction.

"Pythagoras I have to ask you a question. What is Law? Why do we have laws, and what are they, really?" It seems the flippantly lighthearted nonchalance toward legal convention Hagar had demonstrated in the lyric to 1984's "I Can't Drive 55" had led to unforseen consequences of late, and the Van Halen vocalist seemed genuinely troubled by questions clearly beyond his capabilities to comprehend. Pythagoras gently pressed his fist to his lips for a moment in thought before beginning.


"Well, to begin, bear in mind that I am a mathematician, not a lawyer. I study the laws of computation, not the laws of justice. But I can tell you two things: You say you are a famous man. I can tell you that the laws – social laws and sometimes even judicial laws – that govern men whose company is sought out by others are quite different from the laws which govern men whose company is reviled by their fellows. And you also tell me you are a performer. I can tell you that the laws of performance, that govern the musician, actor, or even an academic orator like myself, are unlike all other laws in that the general public specifically wishes not to know them, because many of them feel this diminishes their experience of the performance. These laws are a lonely knowledge, only understood by the few men and women who must learn to follow them in order to ply their trade." Sammy just kind of stared at the philosopher, goggle-eyed.


Pythagoras looked at his wristwatch "And now, if you'll excuse me, young man, I have an appointment to host a television program called Saturday Night Live."


But Hagar was still distressed.  "Pythagoras, wait! Come back! I need to talk to you!" But he was lost in the crush of the crowd as Rockefeller Center security ushered the man who may have been the first to call himself "philosopher" or lover of knowledge, into the lobby and up to a waiting Lorne Michaels. 

What kind of a dream was that? Your guess is as good as mine. 

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Trecena Of The Jaguar

According to the Aztec calendar, yesterday (11-11-11) was the first day of the 13-day week, or trecena ruled by the ocelotl or jaguar, under whose auspices the next twelve days fall.


This trecena, from Yesterday (1 Jaguar) to Nov. 23 (13 Death) is ruled by Quetzalcoatl, the peace-loving redeemer-god of Mesoamerican myth. The historical Mayan king Ce Acatl Topiltzin, who according to Maya historians ruled the city of Tollan in the 10th century, was also called Quetzalcoatl and is famous for banning human sacrifice. But historical accounts of Topiltzin's days seem to collapse into the myths of Quetzalcoatl, who disappeared across the sea to the east, on a raft of serpents.  How much of Topiltzin's story is myth and how much is historical fact is, like the story of the Trojan War, difficult to sort. 

Here is an image of the gods Quetzalcoatl (Feathered Serpent) and Tezcatlipoca (Smoking Mirror), who are sometimes twins, sometimes two sides of the same person, sometimes enemies, sometimes opposite sides of the same principle. Tezcatlipoca, the night, is symbolized by the jaguar. Quetzalcoatl is often represented as an eagle, symbol of the daytime. Yet the trecena of the jaguar, which began yesterday, is ruled by Quetzalcoatl. Today, incedentally, is the day of the Eagle. Mirror images multiplying to infinity.

The inquisitive mind wants to understand what is before it, but without context, what do we have but the strange and beautiful images and the stories themselves, which are nothing but mysteries, alien artifacts from our own world, our own collective dream? 

Friday, November 11, 2011

Eleven Eleven Eleven

Eleven is the number of magic in the Western occult tradition.  There are ten fingers on a human and ten is the mathematical basis of most counting systems because of it. Eleven, then, is one step beyond the quotidian, rational boundaries and limits of The Human. Eleven is one more than the possible, one step past the logical, one coincidence beyond the the probable.



Scorpio, the eleventh sign of the zodiac, is considered to be the most magical (at least in the witchy sense of the word) among them, hence its rulership over Halloween, the night where – according to legend – the veil between this world and the Other one (what Kenneth Grant calls "Universe B") grows thin, even permeable.


The image at the top of the page is of a woman in the city of Bhopal, India, which, incidentally, like my hometown of Minneapolis, is known as the "city of lakes." On Dec 3, 1984 Bhopal was the site of one of the worst industrial disasters in known history. A Union Carbide pesticide plant leaked a cocktail of deadly gases, including methyl isocyanate, into the Bhopal night air.


About nine thousand died immediately, though many more were trampled to death as crowds panicked in the dense streets. The death toll is in the range of 18,000 to 20,000 people, to say nothing of those still born today with deformities and congenital diseases. An estimated 100,000 to 200,000 received permanent injuries resulting from the disaster. 


These are Indian women a few years ago protesting Union Carbide CEO Warren Anderson's refusal to appear for trial in Bhopal. In August 2009, the chief judicial magistrate of Bhopal, Prakash Mohan Tiwari, issued an arrest warrant for Anderson, though the United States, unsurprisingly, refused to extradite. Seven Union Carbide employees were found guilty of negligence and received fines of two thousand dollars, and prison sentences of two years maximum. Keep in mind that in the State of Minnesota 2 years is the average sentence for a fourth degree drug offense, such as, say, selling marijuana in a public park. Are you fucking kidding me? As Thomas Jefferson said "I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just, and that his justice cannot sleep forever."




Allow me to change tack for a moment. In the Hebrew alphabet, each letter also has a numerical value which can, in turn, be combined with the numerical values of other words in the sentence to render mathematical formulas out of words. The practice of ferreting out numerical connections between different words in this manner is called Gematria.
    

There are three major schools of thought in Gematria. Hebrew Gematria adapts English words to their rough Hebrew linguistic equivalents to extract numbers from them. Simple Gematria, as its name implies, assigns 1 to the letter A, 2 to B, and so on. English Gematria, like the language from which it takes its name, is oddly convoluted, counting by sixes: A=6, B=12, etc. Nonetheless, it has turned up some rather interesting "coincidences."

The following sentences all add up to 1572 in English Gematria:
        
    "April four sixty eight"
         "Martin Luther King shot"
         "The Lorraine Motel balcony"
         "Civil rights leader killed"
         "James Earl Ray blamed in killing"
     
       and my personal fave:
         "FBI kills a civil rights leader"



That's 1572. All of them. The image below is an x-ray and infrared photograph of the remnants of SN 1572, the star that went supernova on November 11, 1572, the observation of which – by Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe, among others – is considered one of the most important moments in the history of Astronomy. Brahe is notable for his observation that the supernova lacked the kind of parallax that would identify it as taking place near the earth, and that it must therefore be quite distant. And yeah, it does look kind of like a tacky 3D picture of puke photoshopped onto a deep space background.


The Simple Gematria of "Brahe" and "parallax" are 34 and 85, which, when reduced numerologically (i.e. 3+4=7) yield 7 and 4, which add to 11, just like the fingers on that woman's hand. In Hebrew Gematria "Methyl" (563) and "Isocyanate"(699) give us 5 and 6 respectively, which add to that old magical 11.  Hebrew Gematria also gives us "Union" (339) and "Carbide" (104) which reduce to 6 and 5, yielding another 11. Reduction of the Simple Gematrias of "magic" (33) and "scorpio" (95) results in 6 and 5: eleven again.


"In the magical universe there are no coincidences and there are no accidents. Nothing happens unless someone wills it to happen." -William S. Burroughs

Enjoy your 11-11-11, or someone else will do it for you. 



Thursday, November 10, 2011

Dogs and The Dead



Dogs and The Dead

"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you they will be there long before any of us."
      -Robert Louis Stevenson




I.
 This morning a dream woke me up; one of those naturalistic dreams in which everything seems exactly like the waking world. My shirts hung on their hangers on the opposite wall, the sun flashed brightly from the window to my left, just like it always does.
    But something was very different from the waking world: the huge, wolfish, gray-furred, mummified dog looking into my eyes. Like those ancient rumpled corpses preserved for millennia in Egyptian pyramids, or accidentally cured like leather by the tannins of a European bog, he was slightly shrunken by the absence of long-dessicated muscles and organs, and curiously flattened lengthwise like a silhouette, as if some weight had been laid on on his side after burial. This reshaping had exaggerated his long lupine skull, from which yellow canine teeth bristled in dry black gums.


    A vicious, morbid vision; but for some reason I wasn't afraid, or even surprised to see him. In fact he was as benign as any housepet who rouses his master for want of food, exercise, or company. And while his body was lifeless as a taxidermist's model, his great gold and black eyes – now inches from mine (for he had drawn closer as I acknowledged him, just like a real dog) – were clearly alive and full of curiosity and maybe even kindness. "Oh, hello" I said, as if all this were perfectly normal, almost expecting him to lick my face, but instead he just slowly faded away into the long-shadowed morning sunlight. I stood up and checked my alarm; it was set to go off in four minutes. Good loyal dog, I thought, he even knows my schedule.



Dreams are a window onto the mind's deep end; they are, in Jung's words, the "utterances of the unconscious." At first this visitation confused me, but as my senses returned, I remembered that I'd been researching both dogs and death for weeks. To be specific, I've been wondering why the two are so frequently associated in classical mythology. Cultures tell a lot through their symbols and myths, and when those symbols crop up in different eras, and across cultural lines, they tell us a lot about humanity in general. What does the glut of myths connecting dogs to death actually say about us?

II.
The dog is universally conflated with myths of death and the afterlife: Cerberus, a vicious three-headed dog, guarded the entrance to Hades, the Greek underworld; the Cwn Annwn – a pack of spectral dogs whose barking foretold death – watched over the entrance to the Celtic paradise; Garmr, a fierce, blood-stained dog (whose name means "rags") stood outside the gates of the Norse underworld; Persian Zoroastrians believed that dogs should be brought to view the bodies of the recently deceased because their presence banished evil energy and guided the soul toward heaven. The Chinvat bridge, the etheric bridge between the physical and spiritual worlds of Persian myth, was also said to be guarded by two fearsome, immortal dogs.


But is any of this surprising? Guarding things is, after all, one of the main reasons our ancestors domesticated the first Gray Wolf pups fifteen thousand years ago. Considering that, one might imagine that dogs would guard all sorts of important mythological locales and celestial treasures, of which the portals to the various underworlds would be just one. In fact, when it comes to guarding things not connected to death, dragons, giants, and other strange creatures are far more popular choices than the humble dog.



For example, when Hera, queen of the Greek pantheon, trapped the nymph Io (with whom Zeus had been two-timing her) she drafted Argus Panoptes, a hundred-eyed giant, to guard the prisoner. In order to seize the Golden Fleece, Jason had to face up to its guardian, a great dragon. To possess the great cedar forest of Akkadian myth, Gilgamesh first had to slay its guardian, a lion-headed, fire-breathing giant. In other instances we find bull-headed giants, women with snakes for hair, and all shapes and sizes of monsters guarding treasures, holy weapons, prisoners, magical objects and so on. But when it comes to keeping watch over the portal between life and death, dogs have a firm monopoly.


Africa and Mesoamerica also give compelling examples of the links between dogs and the afterlife. Anubis, jackal-headed Egyptian god of the dead, was associated with mummification, judging souls, and the underworld in general. His black coloration, very rare among actual jackals, symbolized both the putrescence of necrotic flesh, and the life-giving alluvial soil of the Nile. The Anubian cult was based in Hardai, called Cynopolis ("city of the dogs") by the Greeks, who were astounded by its enormous canine cemetery.



It's easy to imagine how Egyptians connected jackals with death. Desert scavengers, jackals live in an extremely deadly environment, and their willingness to unearth and eat poorly buried human corpses may have even partially motivated ancient Egypt's complex funerary practices. But despite the jackal's sinister behavior, Egyptians did not view their protector, Anubis, as evil; he was, naturally, the somber and frightening lord of the dead, but also the just and wise moral arbitrator who presided over the judging of souls.



When the dead reached the underworld, Anubis led them to the scales of Ma'at (the goddess of truth) where their hearts would be weighed against a single feather. Ibis-headed Thoth, god of knowledge, recorded the outcome and announced the verdict. Anubis' pet, the Ammit (a horrible beast that looked like a cross between a crocodile, a hippo, and a lion) devoured the souls whose hearts were heavy with evil, but those whose hearts were lighter than a feather would be led to paradise by silent Anubis himself.
 


On the other side of the Atlantic, the dog also represented the afterlife. Numerous Mesoamerican cultures buried dogs with their dead, with notable examples at Teotihuacan, Kaminaljuyu, and the great Tarascan city at Huandacareo, where gravesites also included numerous dog figurines. Classic Period Maya pottery depicts dogs in the underworld, in some cases carrying torches in their mouths to guide souls on their way through the dark to the great beyond.



The name Xolotl sits at the center of a complex web of Pre-Columbian stories involving dogs and death. If much Mesoamerican myth seems contradictory, it's important to remember that the people we call "the Aztecs," were in fact a variety of different tribes who occupied roughly the same place and time. Most of the religious stories that weren't destroyed by the Mexican offices of the inquisition were transcriptions of oral storytelling: different storyteller from a different tribe, different details to the story. With that in mind, in some Aztec myths, Xolotl is a dog-headed god of lightning and death who helps usher the dead to Mictlan, the underworld.  In other stories Xolotl was a huge dog so horrible and fierce that Death himself was hard pressed to kill him, though before his inevitable end Xolotl changed into maize and maguey,  introducing staple crops that would later nourish the people of the world. He is also credited with reviving humanity by stealing the bones of man from grim Mictlantehcutli (the other lord of the dead, with whom Xolotl is sometimes conflated) and bringing them out of the underworld. Xolotl then, in an act of defiance and self-sacrifice worthy of prometheus, cut himself open and bled onto the skeleton of man, instantly resurrecting the vanished human race.



Xolotl is also, incedentally, the namesake of the Xoloitzcuintle, the Mexican Hairless Dog, or Perro Pelon, which figures in Latin American folk culture to this day, as a guide for the recently departed on their journey through the underworld. For his part, Mictlantecuhtli, (who was also sometimes depicted with a dog's head) was the astrological ruler of the Day Of The Dog, the tenth day of the Xiupohualli, the "20-day week" of the Aztec calendar.

IV. 
All of this leads to the question: what is it about dogs? Why have people of so many cultures, separated by vast gulfs of time and space, chosen to represent the dog – and not the cat, horse, or dragonfly – as a guide and guardian of the afterlife? To answer this, we must first understand what both dogs and death "mean" to people, what they represent to us metaphorically.



No animal is more ubiquitous to human culture than Canis Lupis Familiaris. For somewhere between fourteen and seventeen thousand years, "man's best friend" has hunted, herded, and made war alongside his master. He defended the home from predators and intruders, befriended and entertained the children, and even warmed the family bed. Loyalty, faith, and dependability are the dog's most beloved characteristics: as 19th Century humorist Josh Billings observed, "a dog is the only thing in the world that will love you more than you love yourself."



The benefits of symbiosis extend both ways too. Dogs are one of the planet's most successful apex predators, largely due to their cozy partnership with humanity. Compare the jaguar, whose global population is certainly less than 40 thousand (and declining) to the dog's likely 400 million. The relationship is so close that dog has literally been shaped by man more than probably any other living thing. Since the first Gray Wolf was domesticated in the late Stone Age, selective breeding by humans has made modern dogs the most morphologically and behaviorally variant land mammal on earth. Who would guess that an Irish Wolfhound and a Chihuahua are genetically near-identical if we didn't call them both by the same name? In appearance and temperament, the dog is a literal product of the needs and aspirations of humanity. Our goals and values are physically written into their bodies. Long before modern gene-splicing, our ancestors were "playing god" too, engineering and shaping our old hunting rival, the Gray Wolf, into a living tool, servant, bodyguard, and companion. The domestication of dogs made Stone Age man a significantly more efficient hunter, which made the work of feeding a family far less difficult. With the wolf at his side, man was truly now the unquestioned king of the biosphere.

As for death, "the way of all flesh," it is nothing less than the unavoidable end of biological life and the mechanisms of consciousness. Death is the great question mark at the end of life, and man has always feared it deeply as an unknowable abyss. Myths of an afterlife of pleasure, abundance, and oneness with the godhead abound in all corners of the globe, though whether these arise from some kind of universally intuited psychic knowledge of the great beyond, or from an anxious need to believe that the sufferings of this world will be repaid with joys in the next, cannot be known with any certainty. In contrast, myths of an afterlife of eternal suffering, of hell itself, also haunt human culture, usually deployed in tandem with the positive-afterlife myth, in a sort of stick-and-carrot technique to enforce proper social behavior. Also notable are underworlds, like the Greek Hades, that are neither enjoyable nor unpleasant, but simply drab and slightly melancholy. The materialist believes in no afterlife, for the nature of science is to examine and measure what can be examined and measured, and keep silent about what cannot. Theories about what lies on the other side of the threshold are limited only by the thinker's imagination.


    The very unknown nature of death is perhaps what frightens most; a fixed and inevitable journey into the dark. "Death," wrote Dryden, "in itself, is nothing; but we fear / To be we know not what, we know not where."

This is where the dog enters the picture. Imagine the hunter, alone in the forbidding silence of the primeval forest, "heavy with threats" as Camus says. With ten thousand years of the agricultural lifestyle behind us, it's hard to picture ourselves hunting and gathering in the trackless wilds of planet earth, but this was the primary vocation of our human ancestors for the first hundred and ninety thousand years that genetically modern humans existed, to say nothing of the countless millennia before that when our pre-human ancestors stalked prey and searched for edible plants under the African sun.


   
The methods of modern-day hunter-gatherers, like the pygmies of central Africa, tell us that much hunting was a communal rather than solitary activity, but it's easy to imagine humans feeling themselves to be observers and outsiders in nature. Our intelligence, which conferred our only survival advantage, also allowed us to see that we were different from the dumb and mute creatures of the forest, and thus the hunter's journey into the lonely wastes was an exercise in alienation, even if he went with his fellow men. Somehow, even then, in that golden age when we imagine him to have been one with nature, he was still an intruder. Bipedal, intelligent, hairless, blunt of tooth and soft of claw, man was far too bright not to realize how different he was from other animals, and this was the source of his fear and alienation in those lonely ghost-haunted groves of the ancient world. He did not belong there, in that strange and unknown place.

    But the wolf did. The wolf belonged to those archaic empty quarters of cypress and fern, in fact as an apex predator, the empty quarters belonged to him. In the unknown and unknowable lands man traversed on the long hunt, the wolf-dog was never lost, always vigilant, always prepared, and most importantly (now that the secret code of the wolf's alpha-dog pack-bonding had been deciphered) always loyal. That reliability comforted those early hunters, camped alone in the dangerous forests and hills and deserts of the immemorial night, without a sense of smell or sight or hearing keen enough to warn them of approaching danger. And when those two legged hunters grew gray of beard and long of tooth, and the light within them fluttered and dimmed, they must have prayed for something very much like a dog to lead them through the wilderness of death, just as dogs had led them through the wilderness of life. When faced with the greatest uncertain dark wilderness of them all, namely death, who would wish for, above all things, a selfless and loyal companion whose senses are keener, footsteps faster, teeth sharper, and well of bravery deeper than his own? The dog represented a tiny fraction of a cruel and unforgiving world that had turned, inexplicably but providently, in man's favor. A gift from the heavens. How could the wolf not alter man's mind, his beliefs and myths, just as man altered the dog's body, its form and shape? And the form this alteration took was eschatological: a lifetime of sleeping better, hunting better, eating better, and living better due to the fierce protection and companionship of the wolf had taught man to see in the canine form an otherworldly protector, a psychopomp, a mystical bodyguard, a blood-sworn friend whose loyalty extends beyond the bounds of mortality. Humans, whose ability to compose, tell, and remember stories, perhaps as a way to organize data or relieve tension in their unusually powerful brains, had learned to see in the dog a guardian whose vigilance extends beyond life, and a companion whose remit is beyond death. It was only natural that the dog would feature in these stories as wished-for companion on that lonesome and unavoidable final journey into the dark.